The Only Fool Here Is Myself

When I started this blog, weight loss and triathlons were my primary motivator.  At that time I weighed close to 320 pounds and had a 52/54 inch waist and could not run more than a few seconds or swim more than a few meters.  Since that time things have changed.  I completed a triathlon and I feel like I am in the best shape of my life.  For a while I had dropped down to 300 pounds and eventually gotten down to a semi-tight 46/48 inch waist.  That was months ago, I have not budged on the scale or the waist line since.

One of two photographs showing my remaining over sized belly.

One of two photographs showing my remaining over sized belly.

After my initial triathlon I realized that if I wanted to be faster and a better more efficient triathlete more weight had to go.  I still had a noticeable stomach area(accentuated by the tight tri-top I was wearing) and I had stopped loosing inches and weight months ago. The second awakening came days later when I saw the above photograph from the event.  I realized even more that it was time to re-examine my food and exercise plan and that it was time to take a look at some difficult truths.  I did not realize it, but for several months I had fallen back to old habits of making excuses and not being honest with the person who matters most, myself.

Growing up I often wrapped my overweight and out of shape body in the excuse of being naturally big.  It had nothing to do with the fact I had no interest in being outdoors or watching the food I was shoveling into my mouth.  Later it I would wrap it in the excuse of marriage and the natural depletion of this institution’s visual safety.  When I took a gander at the picture I immediately asked myself  ‘Hey, have I done everything in my power to be slimmer and faster and look better on race day?’  The answer was a resounding NO!


Don’t know which one is worse.

That honesty set things in motion.  I realized I had not tracked my food in months and often I used the excuse of burning tons of calories for seriously poor eating habits.  I often ate terribly un-nutritious food that did little to feed my body and give me the nutrients I required.  Frequently I probably ate fewer calories than required, otherwise I just ate junk.  Do not get me wrong, I still love pizza and all the good bad food, but I realize I need to limit it and account for it in my diet.  I had not gained weight, but I stayed mostly around the low 300s.  Some weeks I would drop to 296 or so, just to shoot back up to 302-305 for weeks.  I stopped taking monthly pictures as they showed little improvement yet I felt fitter, I did not want to face the truth.   In the end the honest truth lied in the fact I had no one to blame but myself.  The truth hurts, but sometimes you just have to face it to push forward.

This resulted in my new focus in my goals in tracking my food and calories and watch my intake.  Already in a few days it feels like my belt and pants are a little looser, I have remained steadily around 296 pounds and I am starting to feel lighter.  Maybe its psychosomatic, but I feel the measures I am taking will point me to the right path.  If anything, when I ask myself if I did what I needed to do to see the results I wanted, I can say yes.  It was a difficult realization and the picture I am sharing is my motivation to get my nutrition in order.  Its time to not just feel fit and great, but to look it.  Its time to push things to the next level and be further accountable to myself.  Its time to go to work. Til next time.


  1. healthiestbeauty · · Reply

    Reblogged this on The healthiest beauty.

  2. trikatykid · · Reply

    I’d have to say, this is your best post yet. Not just because its content (which was honest, heartfelt, and motivating) but also because you wrote as though you have followers (which you do). I have been following your progress for quite some time. It was nice to find a post that was this honest and introverted (meaning self-reflecting), and not a synopsis of your journey. Great job! And keep up the great work. You will see amazing results now that you are going to start making solid efforts to improve! 🙂

    1. Thank you, I know you have been there for me for a long time and have even kicked my but back into action once or twice. Glad to see your up and writing again. I really wrote this from the gut or heart. I have worked so hard and changed so much of my life and I felt like I really needed to share how I was feeling at succeeding at such a grand scale and yet finding I still failed at a smaller one. I hope it inspires some one else who is struggling to keep going and not quit. Thank you very much for the compliment.

  3. We are realizing some of the same things today! Diet is part of it. Yes, we have work to do. Stay strong.

    1. The bad thing is I know Diet is part of it. I knew better. I knew that to get from 360 to 320 in years previous I had to eat a certain way and do certain things beyond exercise. I probably even slowed my physical growth with the lack of proper nutrition. I am proud of what I achieved but I know if I want more I have to become accountable to myself for the food I eat. Keep with it and when all else fails return to what previously worked.

  4. Great post! I’m facing the same issues these days. I always tell myself I’ll fix my diet “tomorrow”. Then when tomorrow comes, I make up an excuse and the cycle just repeats itself. It needs to stop, it really does. Thanks for the additional motivational nudge!

    1. In my unprofessional opinion it does not even have to be that complicated. Just get your BMR and the range you have and then just track your food and work out. Don’t fret on the tracking being perfect, its more about accountability and later adjusting things as needed.

      1. Hmm… That sounds like a good idea! Much less complicated. Thanks! ^^

  5. […] The Only Fool Here Is Myself ( […]

  6. Empathy! I can definitely relate to this. Go Chatter go!

  7. kruzmeister · · Reply

    You’ve made a real positive step to getting back on track here Chatter. We are all our own worst enemies but being able to be brutally honest with ourselves is the only way we can break the cycle of excuses and we all have them. I think you’ll find once you get tracking your calories etc again you’ll gain momentum and the weight will begin to fall off you again. I have hit many plateaus in my weight loss journey too. I like to think of them as viewing platforms where I can stop for a minute catch my breath and see how hard I’ve worked to get there. That then helps to motivate me to get moving again. All the best with the next part of your journey mate. – Simone

    1. I might have to steal that, I love the idea of viewing platforms. Of course this one was caused by not doing what works and being mindfully ignorant. Thanks Simone, you are awesome!

      1. kruzmeister · · Reply

        No problem Chatter and don’t worry so much about how you plateaued (smaller picture) but look out wide and see all that you’ve achieved & still want to achieve (big picture) and move forward from there. And mate you are pretty awesome yourself. I greatly admire your strength and tenacity.

  8. I so am in the same place right now. I’ve had a couple great days of exercise, so I need to start tracking my food to drop below the 200 line. Uggg. Just remember, anything worth doing is NEVER easy! Keep it up Chatter and you will get there!

    1. Glad to see you are still around and hanging in there. Keep up the fight. I find it is only hard at the start, then if you did it well, it becomes a pattern and habit.

  9. You obviously struck a chord with many people with this post. 🙂 Myself included. I’ve been realising over the past few days just how many excuses I’ve fallen back onto and bad habits that have slipped back in during some pretty stressful weeks recently. In 3 weeks I’ve packed on a couple of kilos that took me months to lose… So, I’m right there with you, restarting the food tracking and the focus on good, healthy eating. Thanks!

    1. I think the reason it struck a chord is due to the deep down honesty I wrote this with. I was feeling like I had to be accountable to myself more than anybody and I really just wanted to share the deep down thoughts I was having and hopefully motivate others to take an honest look at their goals. I am glad it kicked your but into gear too!

  10. We’ve all been there! Keep up the great work!

  11. […] bigger goal involved reigning in my fitness.  This post generated allot of good conversation and I pushed full steam ahead with my goal to eat better foods and try […]

  12. […] faster and looking better on race day by getting leaner and loosing my overly round mid-section(here).  After allot of research, I theoretically knew what I had to do to slim down.  The plan focused […]

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